Letting go means you stop gripping something you can't control, like a thought, a worry, an old hurt or a plan that fell through, and you also stop fighting it. You let it be there, and you put your energy back into what you can actually do. It isn't forgetting and it isn't giving up. In practice, it often starts in the body: a longer out-breath, loosening your hands, softening your shoulders.
Below you'll find what letting go is and isn't, five steps you can use in the moment, our own 10-minute letting go meditation script, a longer version and ideas for letting go of old hurt.
What letting go is, and what it isn't
| Letting go is | Letting go is not |
|---|---|
| Allowing a thought or feeling to be there without feeding it | Pushing it away or "thinking positive" |
| Accepting what you can't change right now | Saying it doesn't matter |
| Loosening your grip on how things "should" be | Giving up on everything you want |
| Returning to what you can do next | Waiting until the feeling has gone |
Letting go is one of the attitudes Jon Kabat-Zinn describes for mindfulness practice in his MBSR program, next to acceptance, patience and non-judging. If you'd like the bigger picture first, our guide what is mindfulness? explains it.
Why you can't force yourself to let go
"Just stop thinking about it" rarely works, and there's a reason. In a well-known 1987 experiment by psychologist Daniel Wegner and colleagues, participants were asked not to think of a white bear for five minutes and to ring a bell whenever they did. They couldn't suppress the thought. Afterwards, when they were allowed to think about the bear, they thought about it more than people who had been allowed to from the start. The authors concluded that trying to suppress a thought can produce "the very obsession or preoccupation that it is directed against."
The same study found one thing that helped: participants who had a specific other thing to focus on were less preoccupied later. For everyday life, that means: don't fight the thought, give your attention a place to rest. The breath, your hands, the next small task.
How to let go: 5 steps
- Notice the grip. Where are you holding on? Often you can feel it before you can name it: a clenched jaw, tight hands, shallow breathing, the same thought on repeat.
- Name it plainly. "I'm replaying the argument." "I'm worried about the result." Naming creates a bit of distance, the NHS calls this seeing thoughts as "mental events that come and go."
- Breathe out longer. Let the out-breath be a little longer than the in-breath, a few times. On each out-breath, soften one place: shoulders, hands, belly. You don't need to feel anything special.
- Sort what's yours. Ask: "Is any part of this in my hands right now?" If yes, pick one small step. If no, say to yourself: "This isn't mine to solve right now."
- Come back to now. Put your attention on something in front of you, what you see, hear or are doing. When the thought returns, and it will, repeat steps 2 to 5. Letting go is usually something you do many times, not once.
If thoughts keep you awake at night, our guide for when you can't sleep because of racing thoughts has a wind-down for bed. If the grip is mostly in your body, try our guide on releasing body tension.
Letting go meditation script (about 10 minutes)
We wrote this script for reading slowly or recording yourself. Each (pause) is two or three calm breaths. Sit or lie down, whatever lets your body rest.
Minutes 1 to 2: Arrive
Let yourself settle. Feel the weight of your body on the chair, the floor or the bed. Let the surface beneath you carry you. You don't have to hold yourself up right now. (pause) Notice your breath without changing it. In, and out. (pause)
Minutes 3 to 4: The longer out-breath
Now let the out-breath become a little longer than the in-breath. Breathe in, counting to four. Breathe out, counting to six. (pause) Do this a few more times, as long as it's comfortable. With each out-breath, let your shoulders sink a little. (pause) Let your jaw soften. Let your hands rest, open. (pause)
Minutes 5 to 7: What you're holding
Bring to mind something you're holding on to. A thought, a worry, a hurt, a plan that didn't work out. Choose something small or medium, not the heaviest thing. (pause) Notice where you feel it in your body. Maybe a tightness, a weight, a restlessness. (pause) You don't have to make it go away. Just let it be there, and breathe next to it. Now imagine you're holding it in your hand, and your hand has been closed around it for a long time. With the next out-breath, let your fingers open, just a little. Nothing has to fall. The hand is just less tight. (pause) Say to yourself, silently: "I can let this be here. I don't have to hold it so tight." (pause)
Minutes 8 to 9: What's in your hands
Ask yourself: "Is there one small thing I can do about this?" (pause) If something comes, notice it. You can do it later. If nothing comes, say: "This isn't mine to solve right now." (pause) Come back to the breath. In, and a long, slow out.
Minute 10: Come back
Let the thought move into the background, like a sound in the next room. Feel your whole body again, your feet, your hands, your face. (pause) Take one deeper breath in, and let it go. When you're ready, open your eyes and look around the room.
The four-in, six-out breathing in minutes 3 and 4 slows you to six breaths a minute. If counting makes you tense, drop it and simply let the out-breath be longer.
Letting go meditation: 30 minutes or 3 minutes
For a 30-minute version, add a slow body scan after minute 2, moving from your feet to your head and softening each area on the out-breath (about 10 to 15 minutes). Then stay twice as long with the open-hand image, and end with five minutes of quiet breathing without any instructions.
For a 3-minute version, use it in the middle of the day: three long out-breaths, open your hands on your lap, name what you're holding, and ask "Is this mine to solve right now?"
Letting go of the past, a grudge or a person
Letting go of old hurt, a grudge or someone you loved is slower than letting go of a passing thought. A few things tend to help:
- Allow the feeling first. Sadness, anger or longing usually need to be felt before they soften. Letting go doesn't mean skipping them.
- Notice the rehearsal. Grudges often live in replayed conversations. When you catch yourself rehearsing, name it ("replaying again") and come back to the room.
- Reduce the reminders you control. For a while, fewer photos, fewer check-ins on their profile, fewer reread messages.
- Separate forgiving from reconciling. You can stop carrying the anger without agreeing with what happened or letting the person back in.
- Expect waves. It's normal for it to come back on some days. Each time you notice and loosen your grip, you're practicing.
If you're also hard on yourself about it, our guide on self-compassion fits well next to this one. And if thoughts pile up whenever you sit down to meditate, read what to do about thoughts during meditation.
Letting go meditations in the app
AI Meditation: Sleep & Calm has several sessions built around letting go:
- Forest Calm: Letting Go of Stress combines a longer out-breath and grounding with a gentle forest visualization ("Imagine each exhale as a small letting go").
- Letting Go of Stress is shorter and uses exhale-focused breathing, a quiet sigh, a word on the out-breath and a little tensing and releasing of shoulders and hands.
- Falling Asleep Gently: Settling In, Letting Go is for the evening, with a body scan and thoughts drifting like clouds in the night sky.
- Unhooking From Thoughts: Stepping Out of the Rumination Loop practices three steps for circling thoughts: notice, briefly name, kindly return.
Each session has a length range, and you choose a length within it before you start. The app's daily topics also include letting-go themes, such as "The Thing You Cannot Change", "The Grudge You Keep Rehearsing" or "When the Plan Falls Through", which AI turns into a new meditation labeled "AI-generated". The voices are AI voices. The app is in English and German. See how the app works, try it for free, no account needed.
Your health
This app is a wellness app and does not replace medical advice. If you can't stop thinking about something for weeks, or if sadness after a loss or a breakup makes daily life hard, talk to a doctor. The NHS page on symptoms of depression explains when to see a GP.
Sources
All pages accessed on September 25, 2026.
- Wegner DM, Schneider DJ, Carter SR, White TL. Paradoxical effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 53(1), 5-13 (1987). DOI 10.1037/0022-3514.53.1.5. Abstract read via Europe PMC. The white bear experiment and the effect of a distracter.
- NHS: Mindfulness (page last reviewed August 17, 2026). Thoughts as mental events, naming thoughts and feelings.
- Wikipedia: Mindfulness-based stress reduction. The attitudes of MBSR practice, including letting go, as described by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
- NHS: Symptoms of depression in adults (page last reviewed July 5, 2023).
- App sessions: "Forest Calm: Letting Go of Stress", "Letting Go of Stress", "Falling Asleep Gently: Settling In, Letting Go", "Unhooking From Thoughts: Stepping Out of the Rumination Loop", and the daily topic list, AI Meditation: Sleep & Calm, as read in the app's files on September 25, 2026.
