You can't switch your inner critic off, but you can change how you respond to it. Notice when the critical voice speaks, name it ("there's the critic again"), soften it instead of fighting it, and then answer the way a good friend would: honestly, but kindly. Done regularly, this makes the critic less loud and gives you a second voice to listen to.
Below you'll find what the inner critic is, typical examples, five steps to answer it, a 3-minute self-kindness pause we wrote, and a worksheet you can copy.
What is the inner critic?
"Inner critic" is an everyday name for the voice in your head that judges you harshly: after a mistake, before a presentation, when you look in the mirror. It isn't a medical term. Most people know it, and for many it's loudest when they're tired, stressed or unsure.
The critic often thinks it's helping. It wants to protect you from failure or rejection. The problem is its method: it attacks you as a person instead of helping with the task. Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, whose research review on self-compassion appeared in the Annual Review of Psychology in 2023, describes the alternative as "self-kindness vs. self-judgment": being "kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism."
Inner critic examples
Recognizing the voice is the first step. Here are typical inner critic sentences and a kinder answer to each:
| The inner critic says | A kinder answer |
|---|---|
| "You're so stupid." | "I made a mistake. That happens to everyone." |
| "You always mess this up." | "This one didn't go well. Last time I managed it." |
| "Everyone else manages, just not you." | "Other people struggle too, I just don't see it." |
| "You should have done more." | "I did what I could with the time and energy I had." |
| "If this goes wrong, it's a disaster." | "If it goes wrong, I'll deal with it. It won't be the end." |
| "Don't even try, you'll fail." | "I'm allowed to try and learn." |
Notice the difference: the critic uses "always", "never", "everyone", and talks about who you are. The kinder answer is specific and talks about what happened.
How to quiet your inner critic: 5 steps
These steps build on Kristin Neff's exercise "Changing your critical self-talk" and on the NHS Every Mind Matters technique for unhelpful thoughts. Neff suggests doing it over several weeks, in writing or in your head.
- Notice it, word for word. Whenever you feel bad about yourself, ask: what did I just say to myself? Neff recommends noting your inner speech verbatim and paying attention to the tone: harsh, cold, angry?
- Name it. Give it a label: "harsh voice", "the critic", "there it is again". Naming creates a little distance. You don't have to argue with it.
- Soften it, without attacking back. Don't scold the critic, that's just more criticism. Neff suggests saying something like: "I know you're worried about me and feel unsafe, but you are causing me unnecessary pain."
- Answer as a friend would. Imagine what a compassionate friend would say in this situation, and say that to yourself. The NHS suggests similar questions to check a thought: How likely is the outcome you're worried about? Is there good evidence for it? What would you say to a friend who was thinking this way?
- Choose a good-enough next step. Not the perfect one, just the next one that helps. That turns the kinder voice into action.
It feels awkward at first, which is normal. The NHS notes about its thought technique that each step can take time to get used to, and that with practice it gets easier.
Inner critic vs inner coach
The critic and the coach can want the same thing: that you do well. They go about it very differently.
| Inner critic | Inner coach | |
|---|---|---|
| Talks about | who you are | what you did |
| Words | always, never, everyone | this time, next time |
| Tone | harsh, cold | honest, warm |
| After a mistake | "You're useless." | "That didn't work. What can you try next?" |
| Result | you want to hide | you want to try again |
Neff describes the self-compassionate stance as being "helpful and encouraging, like a good friend, coach or mentor would be." The coach isn't softer on the goal. It's softer on you.
Won't I get lazy without my inner critic?
This is the most common objection. The Self-Compassion Institute calls the fear that self-compassion will make us complacent "the number one block" to adopting it, and argues that self-compassion "is a more effective motivator than harsh self-criticism", because a supportive mindset makes it easier to learn from mistakes. That's the view of an institute that promotes self-compassion, so read it as such. It matches everyday experience, though: few people do their best work while being shouted at.
A 3-minute self-kindness pause
We wrote this short pause for the moment right after the critic has spoken. It follows the three parts Neff names for self-compassion: noticing, common humanity and kindness. Read it once, then use it from memory. Each (pause) is one or two calm breaths.
Stop for a moment. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice what you just said to yourself. Repeat it once, silently, word for word. (pause) Name it: "That's my inner critic." Now say: "This is hard right now." (pause) Then: "Other people feel this way too. I'm not the only one." (pause) If it feels right, put a hand on your chest or your arm. If not, leave your hands where they are. Ask: "What would I say to a friend in this situation?" (pause) Say that sentence to yourself, even if it feels strange. Finally: "What's one good-enough next step?" Breathe out, and take it.
For a longer version of the same idea, the Self-Compassion Institute's "Self-Compassion Break" works with phrases like "This is a moment of suffering", "Suffering is a part of life" and "May I be kind to myself".
Inner critic worksheet
Copy this into your notes app or a notebook and fill it in after a moment when your inner critic was loud. Doing it for a week or two shows you its favorite phrases.
Date and situation:
What my inner critic said (word for word):
Tone of the voice (harsh, cold, angry, tired):
How I felt afterwards:
Does it use always, never or everyone?
How likely is what it predicted?
What would I say to a friend in this situation?
My kinder answer:
A good-enough next step:
When you're hard on yourself: sessions in the app
If you'd rather be guided through it, AI Meditation: Sleep & Calm has two sessions for this:
- Self-Kindness: When You're Hard on Yourself is for moments of inner pressure or a harsh inner voice. You notice what's there ("This is how it is right now. This is not wrong."), name the harsh voice, choose a sentence that doesn't feel cheesy to you, such as "I am doing as well as I can right now", and find a good-enough next step. It takes about 7 to 10 minutes.
- Understanding Perfectionism: A Gentle Reset with Breath and Self-Kindness is a longer session about perfectionist patterns, with a calming breath, labeling, self-kindness and a "good-enough" check, and optionally more on inner voices.
You can set how long each session lasts. The voices are AI voices, and there's a daily meditation written by AI after a short mood check-in. See how the app works, try it for free, no account needed.
When it's more than an inner critic
The steps on this page are everyday self-help, not therapy. If your self-criticism never lets up, comes with low mood for weeks, stops you from doing things or turns into thoughts of hurting yourself, please don't handle it alone. Talk to a doctor or a mental health professional. If you're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
Your health
This app is a wellness app and does not replace medical or psychological advice. If harsh self-talk or low mood last for weeks or affect your day, talk to a doctor. The NHS guide to reframing unhelpful thoughts explains a self-help technique and links to further support.
Sources
All pages accessed on September 25, 2026.
- Self-Compassion Institute (Kristin Neff): What is Self-Compassion?. The three elements, self-kindness vs. self-judgment, the coach comparison, myths about motivation, the 2023 research review.
- Self-Compassion Institute: Exercise 5: Changing your critical self-talk. Noticing, softening and reframing the critical voice.
- Self-Compassion Institute: Exercise 2: Self-Compassion Break. The three phrases.
- NHS Every Mind Matters: Reframing unhelpful thoughts. Questions to check a thought, practice makes it easier.
